I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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