I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
