he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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