Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Where is the hickey?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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