i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
