i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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