Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
