I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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