It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
