I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
