i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
