Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
