oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
