a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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