We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
