okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
