covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
