I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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