my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
