Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
