Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
