I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
