I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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