Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
