i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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