Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right