Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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