In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
