Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
