I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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