this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
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terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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