I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
