im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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