Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
