I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
