Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can't put those talents on a resume
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
