His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
