also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
