I think my vagina is haunted
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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