exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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