just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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