Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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