Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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