Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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