it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
