so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
