The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize