either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
