Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
