mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's shark week go big or go home
Drunk is not a location!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
