Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
