remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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