When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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