so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
