that's an acceptable place to lick
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
love makes seman taste better
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
