also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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