bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize