I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
