Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
there's paper in my vomit.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
