Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
