I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize