Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
whose ass print is on the piano?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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