So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
