so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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